The Long Night of Marcus Cole
by paula352
Summary: How would Marcus feel about seeing Susan's anguish for his sacrifice from the other side. Reviews & Comments welcome
1. The Long Night of Marcus Cole

**The Long Night of Marcus Cole**

**Disclaimer:** Babylon 5 and all its characters belong to the great maker JMS. I'm just borrowing the characters and will put them back when I've finished...honest

**Setting:** Rising Star, Endgame, Sleeping in Light then AU

**Most excellent beta**: Layhee

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He tore through Medlab like a man possessed; frantically looking for something. "Bugger," he shouted, "where the bloody hell is it?" Frustration rose as he smashed his fist into a control panel. "Computer, access location to Alien Healing Device, password 'Rosen.'"

"Password accepted."

He looked at the screen and after quickly reading its information, he knew exactly where the machine was kept. It didn't take him too long to find. He brought it over to where Susan lay and quickly scanned the notes, absorbing the information and attaching one part of the device to himself and the other to Susan. He sat down next to her, stroking her long hair.

"I will not fail again. I want you to live, Susan."

He started the machine up, lights flashing as it began to hum. The process had begun; there was no turning back now. He began to feel tired as his head slowly slumped next to Susan's. He was getting weaker, he could feel it. The machine was transferring his life-force into her, to the one being he loved more than words could say. His body was getting heavy now, so mustering the last of his strength and looking at her one last time, he made sure he burned the image of her sweet face into his mind, and finally whispered, "I love you." Those three little words he had wanted to say for so long but the time had never been right and he'd been afraid. The woman beside him could strike terror into the First Ones, let alone her comrades, when in a bad mood and that scared him. If his final words failed him, then this single action would speak for him louder than words ever could. The last of his strength waning, he lowered his head to be next to hers and he let the darkness take him.

How much time had passed, he had no idea. All he could see now was darkness, enveloping him completely. When, suddenly, he heard a distinctive noise slowly growing louder and louder:

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

_That bloody noise_, all he wanted to do was sleep, he was just so tired, but the sound was distracting. He wasn't sure if he still had a body anymore–he could no longer feel his extremities. _Is this… my soul?_ he thought to himself in the blackness.

Tick

Tock

_Can I please sleep? That bloody noise is really starting to annoy me._ He was tired and cranky, then he saw a grandfather clock materialise in front of him, keeping time. It was beautiful, made from the finest wood and intricately carved. He willed himself to come closer, to look at the piece. _Made of oak_, he thought. He'd never seen a real oak tree in his life, but he knew the particular shade of wood, as back on the colony his parents had an old antique oak dresser, a family heirloom that kept various family trinkets amongst other things within it. He looked at the face of the piece and saw there were no numbers or hands. _Well this is odd. What kind of clock doesn't keep time? _

"Tick."

"Tock."

A different voice now, older, kinder, wiser, familiar.

"Tick."

"Tock."

"Tick."

"Tock."

The figure appeared from behind the clock, a tall being draped in robes, with his kind golden eyes looking at him, peering into his soul.

"Tick, you're alive. Tock, you're dead. Which is it to be?" he asked, approaching him.

Marcus instantly recognised him. "Lorien?"

The being nodded and smiled. Marcus liked his smile; it was comforting. "Why am I here?" Marcus asked.

"You died," came the reply.

"Lorien, where am I?" He had to know.

"Oh, my friend," Lorien sighed, before continuing. "You are nowhere; you are neither in heaven nor in hell. You are simply _here_..." He spread out his arms. "…Your soul is trapped and is unable to fly free." Lorien paused. "Also, you have caused great pain."

Marcus spoke instantly, "Is Susan alright? Did the machine work?"

"After a fashion," he replied sadly, "yes."

"Why is there pain?"

"I will show you. But you may not like what you see."

Lorien waved his hand in front of him and everything changed around them. A room materialised and Marcus realised that he could look around. He noticed a reflection in the glass window; he now had a body. He knew instantly where they were: they were back in Medlab 1. It had been ransacked.

They walked to see the two figures in the facility. Marcus found it odd looking at himself, but he was fixed on Susan. Slowly she opened her eyes and began to take stock of where she was, then saw his figure slumped next to hers.

"Marcus," she called weakly.

There was no reply. Then she saw the machine and the realisation of what had happened hit her.

"No," she cried weakly. "No, Marcus, no." Tears fell down her face as she struggled to free herself so she could shut that damn machine off, but her body would not move, still traumatised from her injuries. She tried to yell from the bottom of her lungs to get attention, but her voice was still too weak. No one came. She lay there, watching the life-force ebbing away from Marcus into herself. There wasn't a damn thing she could do to stop it.

Eventually, a medtech made it in to where she was. He was wobbly on his feet, still trying to gather his wits after being clobbered by the Ranger.

"C- Commander-"

"Turn that damn thing off!" she blurted. "Help Marcus! Help him!" She lapsed back into uncontrollable sobs, "Help him."

The tech successfully turned the machine off and picked up a med-scanner from a nearby unit and ran it over Marcus.

"Heart rate, zero, respiration, zero, brain activity…"

Susan looked at the tech and held her breath, hoping against hope that he wouldn't say what she feared he would.

"Zero. I'm afraid he's gone."

"No," she cried hoarsely, "Marcus, don't leave me!"

"Oh, no," he gasped, "what have I done?"

"Exactly, Marcus," the Ancient said sadly, "_what have you_ done?".

The two beings stood in a corner in silence. After a time, the commander was freed from her restraints and Marcus's body was removed, put on a gurney, covered with a sheet, and placed in a nearby room.

Sobbing, Ivanova walked gingerly outside the room and slid down the front of the wall onto the floor. She curled herself into the foetal position as tears flowed freely down her face and began to gently rock to and fro, the front of her hair wet. Two medics came through the doorway. "Leave me alone!" she screamed. Quickly, they turned and left. She sat up with her back to the window frame, turning her head to look through the window at _his_ body. Another wave of pain and sadness arose in her as tears erupted from her already-reddened eyes.

The door opened again and someone came rushing in.

"I said leave me alone!"

"Susan, it's me." It was Stephen, he was out of breath. He must have run from the docking bay all the way here. Slowly, he made his way to where she was sat.

"You okay?" he asked gently, not knowing what else to say.

"Dammit, Stephen, why the hell did he have to do it?" she asked tearfully, pleading to her friend for a reason. "I didn't want him to, never would have asked him to..."

Stephen sat opposite her, and sighed.

"How the hell did he find out about that machine?"

"After we gained custody of the alien healing device, Sheridan and I decided that it was just too dangerous to let others know about it, so I coded all my log entries. He must've hacked his way through half a dozen security overrides."

She gave a frustrated sigh, "It's typical. He was always pulling crap like that. Even I never knew what to do with him." Tears were flowing again… "He was the most undisciplined, the most annoying…"

Lorien turned to see that Marcus was standing rigid, just looking at her, his face white and transfixed. He turned back to watch what was happening.

"I was just lying there and feeling myself letting go of my body, and I remembered the last thing that I thought was, I'm going to die now and… it wasn't so bad, and then I heard this voice coming from far away saying, "I love you." And then I thought, is this god? Is this god? I mean, he really did have an English accent just like in all those old movies, and then I felt myself being pulled down. I got heavy, so heavy and tired. I forced my eyes open and…there he was next to me, hooked into that damn machine." Her sadness overcoming her, she pushed on, "I tried to pull it apart Stephen, I swear to god, I tried. I couldn't even move, I couldn't move." She broke down again.

"Look, there was nothing that you could do, alright? Your system was traumatised. You can't blame yourself."

"I don't, I don't. I just… you know all my life I've had… I've had problems with relationships. You may have noticed."

"A little," he said gently.

"You know, the ones that I loved always ended up hurting me, or leaving me. And the ones who stayed, they had nothing inside, no depth, and after a while, I just decided to forget about it. And here was Marcus, I knew he'd never hurt me, and I knew he'd never leave me, and I knew he loved me." She broke down again. "I knew it, I just didn't want to admit it, and he gave so much and wanted so little in return and he just wanted a kind word or a smile and all I ever gave him in two years was grief. It's because I think I saw what I wanted and I was afraid."

"You knew that it wasn't going to work out; you were just protecting yourself from being hurt again, that's all."

Lorien looked at Marcus. "She was afraid, Marcus, afraid. As you wore your wit and humour as your armour to protect you, she wore the element of fear for hers. I tried to tell her, before, to listen to what her heart was saying. But now it is too late."

"Oh, no," Marcus barely managed to get the words out, a tinge sadness in his voice, still looking at her.

She tried to gain some sort of composure by wiping away her tears.

Her friend smiled sadly, he knew she needed to release her emotions.

"….maybe I should have just tried one more time. I could have done that for him. Now I can't. At least I should have boffed him just once."

Stephen gave a short laugh; tears were welling up in his eyes too. "Boffed." He grinned, "Did you just say boffed?" He'd also lost a good friend.

She looked at him sadly. "It would have been the type of thing he would have said. I mean, hell, it's not as if we were doing anything else!"

"I guess that's one way to deal with unrequited love, huh?"

"All love is unrequited, Stephen, all of it," she said sadly, leaning into her friend for comfort.

"Susan." Marcus barely got her name out. Intense pain rose in his chest. He was choking up.

"There is more. Come," Lorien said as he guided Marcus toward a doorway that he hadn't noticed before. He stopped, turned to look at his grief-stricken love, her tears openly flowing now. Hoping against all hope for some way to put things right, he followed the First One through the doorway and into a long corridor with doors on either side.

They came to the first door.

"Open it," the old one instructed. Marcus shook his head; he didn't want to. He didn't want to see anymore of her pain.

"No," he whispered.

"Tick, you're alive. Tock, you're dead."

"I know I'm dead, and there's no way I can ever go back, so just leave me." Marcus' voice was full of sorrow for what he'd done. He just wanted to sit in a dark corner and lose himself in memories of happier times.

"So, is that it?" Lorien asked, shocked that someone who'd come so far in such a short period of time when he was alive would give up so quickly. "You're going to just give up?"

Marcus said nothing.

"Well, we can't have that." Lorien opened the door and quickly pushed Marcus into the room. He entered behind him and closed the door.

It was Medlab, but in an adjacent room. It was dimly lit, with a sole body in the room. A button was pressed and the door opened. A lone figure walked in, the silhouette easily identifiable as Susan's.

Marcus reached out a hand.

"She cannot touch you or see you, my friend," Lorien said. "We are on a different plane of existence."

Tears formed again in his eyes.

"Why, Marcus?" came the hoarse question. She was hoping for a witty comment or cryptic answer, but it never came. Slowly, she walked toward the body, picking up a nearby chair and placing it next to the gurney. She looked down at the body of her friend and pulled the sheet back to his waist so she could see him and sat down.

Susan gently took hold of his hand. "Why did you do this, Marcus? Why did you leave me?" This was one hell of a declaration of love from one being to another, but it was a gift she could not accept, she didn't want to accept, she would not accept. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this. You would have found another way." Susan began to break down again; this was torture for her. After she had spent her tears, she looked at his face. It was peaceful, serene. She stood up and slapped him as hard as she could, just so he could get a small dose of the pain she was now in.

Marcus winced, "I deserved that."

She leaned over his face and she wished with all her being that she hadn't been such a bitch. Here was someone who, yes, had babbled on about things so stupid and insignificant and had driven her nuts more than once. But she now realised that she wouldn't have had it any other way. "Now you'll never speak to me again, never give me funny charts placing me in the centre of the universe…" She sighed. "You loved me then; Lorien knew it and I still didn't listen." Her voice was filled with so much regret, she desperately wanted him to be alive so she could kick his ass—among other things—but that would never happen now. Susan looked at him and kissed him on his lips tenderly, her tears flowing freely again. There was still some warmth left in his body, but not much.

She raised her head and noticed a chain just protruding from underneath the collar of his tunic. Curiosity took the best of her as she took it all the way out to reveal an old antique locket. She rubbed the main body and the clasp released to reveal a picture. Susan's eyes widened, she backed away from Marcus' body and numbly felt the cold, hard wall stopping her from going any further. Her chest felt like it was going to explode, emotions rising up within her like a wave of unstoppable sorrow. She was powerless to prevent it.

"No!" she screamed, "Marcus, no!"

She launched herself onto the body, straddled his abdomen and began to slap him and shake him to try to wake him up.

Dr. Franklin was in his office looking at the never-ending supply of paperwork, when he heard Susan's scream. It made his blood run cold; he shot up out of his chair to see where she was, and saw through the window that she was hysterical, screaming, on top of the Ranger and shaking him, trying to wake him up. He rushed in and quickly came up behind Susan to try and calm her down. He tried to grab onto one of her flailing arms, but she turned around so quickly and landed a right hook on his jaw that sent him reeling. He had never seen Susan like this. _The pain she is in must be unbearable._

"Oh god, Marcus, what have you done?" he said as he rubbed his jaw and he knew that she would never give up this guilt. He also knew that he'd have no chance of reasoning with the commander with her being in a state like this. So, he tapped his link. He needed back-up.

"Franklin to Allen, come in."

A nanosecond later, the channel opened at the other end.

_"This is Allen, go."_

"Zack, I need a security team in Medlab 1, _now_."

Zack had heard the screams of a madwoman in the background of Stephen's transmission.

_"Is that – the commander?"_ the chief asked, his voice shocked.

"Yeah…" Stephen sighed.

_"Aw, hell, we're on our way."_ The transmission ended.

Stephen ran out of the room where Ivanova was going crazy and got a sedative shot ready. It wasn't long before he heard Zack and his security team running down the hallway leading to Medlab. Stephen could hear his voice, "Out of the way now, move!" Zack came running in and looked to where the screaming woman was shaking the prone Ranger's body. He noticed a welt rising on the Doc's jaw.

"Did she do that?"

Stephen nodded. "Okay, I've got a sedative here. We need to calm her down before she does Marcus any further damage."

Zack nodded as he, his security team, and Dr. Franklin made their way to the room. As they entered, Susan was like a person possessed. No one had seen her like this, her pain and anguish unfathomable. Zack managed to catch one of her flailing arms and held it out for Stephen to inject the sedative. It quickly began to work; Marcus was half-hanging off the gurney and Susan started to slump forward. One of the team caught Marcus while the other two retrieved Susan. As she fell she caught the locket and chain in her hand as it came loose from Marcus' body. Stephen saw the image, it was Susan's.

"No wonder she went nova," was all he could say.

***********************************************

Lorien looked at Marcus. "See, see what you have done." He pointed to Susan's now-prone body as the two security guards took her to a nearby bed and strapped her in as a precaution.

"I didn't know," was the sad reply, "I couldn't have known." A stray tear trickled down Marcus' cheek. He was now truly in hell; he knew that he'd caused this and, as far as he knew, there was no way to undo it.

"No, you're wrong; you did know. You didn't want life, you wanted death! You wanted a release from the obligation of living. But you didn't think about the hurt Susan would suffer when you left her behind."

Marcus tried to get a reply in but Lorien didn't give him the chance. He went to the door that led to the main corridor and opened it. "Come," he ordered.

"Don't want to." His voice hoarse, he just stood there, looking down at the floor, he couldn't look ahead. There was no future for him now.

Lorien was growing impatient. "Marcus, you can either do this the hard way or the easy way, but either way you're coming with me."

"Why, what am I to you?" It was Marcus' turn to be frustrated.

"A trapped and lonely soul," came the sad answer.

Those words hit Marcus right to his very core. He was beaten; there was no way he'd be able to argue with the first of the First Ones. "Okay," he sighed, "I'll do it your way."

"Good, now come."

Marcus followed Lorien out of the room and back to the main hallway. They walked up the corridor a little and Lorien opened another door.

"Enter."

Marcus did as he was told and Lorien followed.

They were in the chapel on Babylon 5. Brother Theo and his monks were conducting a service. Sheridan, Delenn, Garibaldi, and Stephen, as well as various other station personnel were in attendance. Marcus recognised his contacts from Down Below; the chapel was over full, the crowd stretching down the hall.

"You never did think that you were that special, did you, Marcus?" Lorien asked. "Look, look at all the lives you have touched and look at their sadness now that you are no longer with them."

Marcus turned to look at each of their saddened faces and then he noticed her. Susan looked like hell. Her hair was loose; she'd lost weight. Her eyes were reddened and puffy with all the crying she'd done. He'd seen her in a similar state like this before recently after Sheridan & Garibaldi disappeared. But how she was now, it definitely wasn't good. This was in fact far, far worse.

"We come here today to honour Marcus Cole, Ranger and friend…" Theo began.

He heard someone crying, sobbing, and eventually evolving into a heartbroken scream.

"Can you hear it?" Lorien asked.

"Yes."

He looked to see Susan. She now wore his locket and held it tightly; on the outside she was keeping it together. But on the inside, the pain within her soul was a different story as it screamed in agony.

***********************************************

Lorien opened the door again and gestured for Marcus to follow him out of the room.

"Why?" he asked.

Lorien continued up the corridor. _Answers would come later_, but for now this _had _to be done. They came to another door. It was Marcus who opened it. They entered and this time, the room was different, not at all familiar to him.

"Where are we?" he asked.

He looked around the room. It was sparse, with a bed, desk, closet, comm unit, and a chest of drawers, but that was pretty much it. It was dark and cold. Loud shouting could be heard from behind another door that led into the room.

"I don't need your advice, doctor. If I want your help, I'll bloody well ask for your help! Am I absolutely _crystal_ clear?" The voice was clearly Susan's. It was cold, distant, hurt.

The doctor gulped. "Ye – yes ma'am."

"Good, dismissed," she growled as she thumped in her entry code on the panel and entered the room.

"Lights," she shouted; she was most definitely in a bad mood.

Marcus instantly recognised her, but she was hard now, cold. She'd aged, and her walls were even higher than before.

She made her way to her bed, tiredly took off her EarthForce jacket and threw it on the floor. She undid her shirt collar and a couple of buttons and bent down to undo the zips that fastened her boots. As she did so, the locket came free. She kicked off her boots and they made a loud _thud_ against the wall. Then she undid the braid in her hair and shook it loose. Sighing, she got up and walked toward the closet, punching in an access code. It opened to reveal a spare uniform, her dress uniform, her Army of Light uniform, and a silver brief case. She took the case, closed the closet, and walked toward her desk. She placed it on her desk and then went to get a bottle of vodka from the bottom of her chest of drawers.

She got out a shot glass and sat down at her desk, opened the bottle, and began to pour out the liquid. She knocked it back in one foul swoop. The alcohol felt good, she needed it after the day she'd had, especially on _this_ day, but it would never be able to heal her pain.

"Six years, Marcus," she sniffed. "Six years since you gave your life for me, and I hate you! I hate you because I didn't want this…" She was choking back the tears as the pain of her emotions rose, crushing her chest.

Marcus clutched his chest as the pain somehow reverberated into him.

"…never wanted this, I'm dead inside, and it's your fault." She poured another shot and knocked it back, then poured herself another and set it aside.

She opened the case to reveal its contents, and got them out reverently one by one.

The chart that he had made for her. She unrolled it and saw the pictures and tried to remember in her mind his words. It had made her laugh then, but she couldn't laugh now. She looked at it lovingly and ran a finger around his image. Then she rolled it up again and put it back in the case. Next she took out his Ranger pin. As she looked at the jewel, she sniffed, "Isil'zha, in Minbari it means 'the future'..." She took another shot before continuing, "…I have no fucking future…." Anger rose within her as she hissed and nearly threw the jewel at the wall, but stopped short. Her voice filled with bitterness and regret before she continued, "Yeah, sure I do my duty, like a good little captain, but I don't want to be here…" She placed the pin back into the case as she took out another object and held it. Marcus instantly recognised the object; it was his Denn'Bok. She opened it, looked at it, caressed it, and then closed it again.

"I had you frozen, Marcus," she sniffed. "It was all I could do. Your body hadn't died, it just shut down because your life force is now in me. Someday you may be revived, but I doubt that I'll ever talk to you or touch you again in my lifetime."

She opened her locket to reveal another image, beside hers. It was his.

"I miss you, Marcus," she whispered. "I miss your crazy banter. I miss you walking by my side. Oh god, if I could do things differently, I would." She ran her thumb over his face before continuing, "And I love you. I've always loved you. But I never realised it till it was too late, and now I'll never love again." Tears formed in her eyes as she stood up and walked to her bed, climbed in and hugged her pillow to seek some type of comfort that would never come. "I miss you, Marcus," she sobbed as she cried herself to sleep.

Marcus was astonished at the admission. "She—she loved me."

"Is that so difficult to believe?" Lorien asked before continuing, "Marcus, you have touched the lives of so many, but you still carried the chains that led you into being where you are now."

"Chains?" he asked, "What chains?"

"Come." Lorien opened the door to the corridor and gestured at Marcus to follow.

They walked together towards the next door. Lorien opened it. They walked in and Marcus recognised where he was instantly. They were standing on a balcony overlooking the beautiful scenery; he'd always loved this place and had hoped that one day he could live out his days here.

He took in a long breath of the clear night air and exhaled; it felt so good. "Tuzanor."

"Yes," Lorien smiled as they turned to see a doorway where the sound of friendly chatter could be heard; as they walked nearer, they could hear people were laughing about a Pak'ma'ra eating a cat.

Marcus and Lorien walked through the doorway and stood to one side, listening patiently to the familiar voices: Sheridan, Delenn, Franklin, Vir, and Garibaldi. Marcus closed his eyes to savour this moment.

"Singing?" Sheridan asked. "They can sing?"

"There's nothing about that in the literature," Stephen added.

Vir elaborated, "Apparently it's something they only do certain times of the year as part of their religious ceremonies. You may not believe this, but... it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I couldn't make out the words, but I knew it was full of sadness and... hope and wonder and... a terrible... sense of loss. I looked at Londo and -- this is the amazing part -- there was a... tear running down his face. I said, 'Londo, we should leave.' And, 'This is upsetting you.' He just stood there and... listened. And when it was over he turned to me and he said, 'There are 49 gods in our pantheon, Vir. To tell you the truth I never believed in any of them. But if only one of them exists... then god sings with that voice.' It's funny. After everything we've been through, all he did... I miss him."

Sheridan lifted up his glass to offer a toast. "To absent friends, in memory still bright."

Garibaldi raised his glass. "G'Kar."

Vir raised his. "Londo."

Delenn raised hers. "Lennier."

Finally, Stephen raised his. "Mar-"

Susan cut in and raised hers, "Marcus."

At the sound of his name, he opened his eyes and looked at her. In her eyes he saw her pain, her regret, her sadness, her loss.

They drank long from their glasses in silence, honouring the memories of their fallen friends. Lorien looked at Marcus. He was deep in thought. _Yes, he is beginning to realise. _Sheridan, Garibaldi, Franklin and Vir both got up and went to talk in an adjacent room while Susan looked on. She walked and talked with Delenn. Marcus and Lorien followed.

"It has been nineteen years since you sacrificed yourself for her Marcus." Lorien said looking at him. "And the pain is still as fresh in her eyes as from the day she woke up to find you dead. Her friends have tried to help her to move on, but she cannot. Just as much as you could not move on without a word from the ones you lost."

Marcus nodded his head in agreement. If William could have told him not to be guilty of what had happened at Arisia, he might have been able to move on with his life. But you cannot hold a two way conversation with the dead – one of life's little drawbacks.

"I've buried so many of my friends, Delenn," she said sadly. "I'm beginning to resent it and I don't want to."

Marcus turned to Lorien, "Her soul has been…"

"Shattered," Lorien interceded. "That one action, Marcus. Was it not a human who said, 'for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction?'" Marcus nodded his head in agreement.

He led him away to leave, and entered the corridor once again. Lorien led him to another doorway, he opened the door, entered and Marcus followed him.

The room was dark; Marcus recognised he was again in Tuzanor. A lone figure sat down on the couch. She had been crying; she always cried now. Sech-li-sachar, the Minbari called it. She slowly got up and, with the use of a cane, walked towards the balcony, looking over the Tuzanor skyline. Her hair was grey and tied back in a bun. Her eyes puffy and red, she wore the uniform of a Ranger. Turning, she went to get her cloak. _It wouldn't be long now_. She put it on. It was the cloak of Anla-shok'Na. She went back to sit on the couch. Her breathing was getting laboured. She took the chain and locket from her uniform, opened it, and looked at his picture.

"I love you, Marcus," she sighed, and began to relax. She closed the locket and held it next to her heart. She took in one last breath before the veil claimed her. "Marcus." She exhaled and died alone.

Lorien looked at the Ranger. "Her pain would last for 50 years. You wanted her to live, but she didn't know how to, not without you at her side."

Marcus crouched down with his head in his hands. He was openly crying. "If only I could take it all back."

Lorien waited for a few minutes, and then guided him to the doorway. They both entered, Marcus deep in thought. They walked to another door; as Marcus opened it, a pair of hands reached out and grabbed him, taking him completely by surprise. He felt a stinging as a fist landed squarely on his jaw, leaving him reeling.

"Ow!" Marcus protested, rubbing his jaw and trying to see clearly at the same time. "Bloody hell, that hurt."

"You daft bugger! Why did you have to something as humongously stupid as that? You bloody idiot." The voice, the accent, like his – Marcus knew who it was.

'Willie?" he asked, astonished. "Willie, it that you?"

"Well, who do you think? The AbominableSnowman? Course it's me, you silly sod."

Marcus looked at his younger brother. He looked as he did before he died, with long blond hair and a goatee beard. He looked away from his younger brother, feeling so ashamed for what he'd done.

"Yes, you were always the rash, impulsive one. I'm amazed you made it out of Ranger training in one piece!" William spat. "Who did you die for? Was it Delenn?"

Marcus shook his head. "It was someone who I really cared about, Willie, loved in fact. I thought that I did the right thing, but all it's done is caused her pain. I realise now that I was being selfish."

"Hallelujah! He's finally got it," Willie exclaimed as he squared up to his older brother. Marcus looked at him, wanting to know more. "Yes, Marc, I died on Arisia and I asked you to finish what I began, and you did. Your oath as a Ranger, you swore to 'live for the One and die for the One'. At the time, 'the One' _was_ Delenn, but now 'the One' you swore to live for was her." Marcus nodded before William continued. "Slight problem there, though, bro, you didn't live for her. Sure, you died for her, but you didn't _truly_ live."

"What do you mean, I didn't truly live for her?" he asked.

"You had plenty of reasons to risk your life; for the greater good you took many one way missions and somehow always managed to come back safe. That's commendable. Yes, you lived, but you really wanted death more."

Marcus began to protest, "I had to do what was right by my friends."

"Marc, mate, I'm sorry, but that's not true."

It was Marcus' turn to get frustrated. "I did what I could for my friends and for Susan!"

"No, you didn't—"

It was Willie's turn now to get landed by a punch to his jaw. He reeled a little bit and then came back face to face with his brother.

"—because if you truly valued your friends and Susan, you wouldn't have done this." He sighed before continuing "Marc, believe it or not, just because I'm dead in your realm, doesn't mean to say I've not been watching from time to time y'know…"

Marcus's head was still in a fog. "No, Willie, it was my fault. I never listened to you; I was too wrapped up in my work to notice." Since their parents had passed on, and with William joining the Rangers, it had fallen onto Marcus to keep the company going. "I'm sorry, William, I'm sorry for not listening to you."

William began shaking his head; his big brother had to have some sense knocked into him. "Will you listen to me, Marcus?" William smiled, he needed to do this. He needed to see his brother happy. "I want your complete and utter undivided attention now." He placed a hand on his shoulder and Marcus nodded his head that he would listen.

Willie smiled. "Marc, you've been feeling guilty for my death and the deaths of the others, and for that I'm truly sorry. Yes, I wanted you to join the Rangers, but not to be guilty for what happened back home. Don't be guilty for what happened at Arisia…"

Marcus' eyes welled up, "I – I don't know if I can."

"Mate, you must, you wouldn't have been able to stop the Shadows! They were coming whether we liked it or not and the destruction of Arisia would still have happened even if you had died along with us."

"But I couldn't stop _you_ from dying," he said, sadly.

"It was my time, Marcus, that's all," William began. "Some of us are meant to have long life-spans, and some of us aren't. That's the way the universe works."

"Willie…"

"Marc, no. Don't say it. Just do as I've asked. Let go of your guilt and _live_." He embraced his brother with an almighty hug. "Besides, we'll see each other again. And between you and me, when I've looked in on you, I've seen her and Susan's an absolute babe." Willie looked at his brother with mischief. "She is H.O.T."

Lorien watched the interaction between the two brothers. "It is time, Marcus," he said as he took hold of his hand and guided him to the door.

"Don't be afraid of her, Marcus…" his brother smiled. He nodded. "Don't forget to live, and don't forget to love, you're a long time dead."

William's words struck home to Marcus. As the door closed, he was half expecting to be back in the corridor, but he was back where he had started in the black void with the grandfather clock.

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

"It is the clock of the universe, Marcus. Each stroke of the clock is someone being born or someone dying, the silence in between is their life. No matter how long or how short. The universe is always growing, so therefore it is timeless; that is why there are no numbers or hands on its face. How can you measure something that is infinite?"

"…I have to let go of my guilt." Marcus realised that that was what Lorien meant. "You told me I had to let go of my chains, the chains of my guilt for what happened at Arisia. My guilt led me here." The moment he said it, he felt refreshed and happy like a huge weight had been lifted from his soul.

"You are finally beginning to understand," Lorien nodded, pleased with the young human. He had always had a soft spot for tormented innocents, and although he'd gone with the First Ones beyond the Rim, he always watched from afar the needs of his special children. Here, he saw two tormented souls who were destined to be together and he decided to act.

"Susan's time has not yet come."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Her time with the universe has not finished and neither has yours. Tick, you're alive, Tock, you're dead. Which do you want?"

"I want to live and I want Susan to live."

"Even if one of you dies before the other?" Lorien questioned.

"I'd be happy to have lived and loved," he began. "Now I've seen the consequences to have loved and lost, the pain, anguish, and anger that comes with it. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

Lorien smiled, "Then go, Marcus, go and live and love." Lorien's image vanished with the clock. Marcus saw a bright light coming toward him, enveloping him completely.

He heard William's words in his head._ Don't forget to live, and don't forget to love, you're a long time dead._

_TBC_


	2. A Second Chance

**A Second Chance**

The light finally subsided. _Where am I?_ he thought, rubbing his head to try to remove the fog in his mind, and to take onboard what had just happened. He looked around and recognised his surroundings. _Hold on, I'm on the White Star. Bloody hell._ Then he heard her.

"This is the White Star Fleet. Negative on surrender...we will not stand down."

His heart skipped a beat and a whole nest of butterflies erupted in his stomach. His gaze was fixed on her.

"_Who is this? Identify yourself."_

"_Who am I? _I am Susan Ivanova, Commander, daughter of Andrei and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart! I am Death incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."

She opened fire on the other vessels as the battle began. Marcus was going weak at the knees, he had to keep the ship under control, keep an eye on Susan and they _had_ to stop those advanced destroyers.

The battle raged on as one by one the Earth destroyers exploded or were disabled, and the damage to the White Stars was beginning to take its toll. The final ship, though, was a particularly stubborn opponent who just didn't know when to quit. Susan ordered them to keep firing; the last ship had to be destroyed. Finally their efforts paid off as the enemy vessel exploded into flames as the White Star flew through the destruction. Marcus saw the debris headed toward them.

"Susan, look out!" he shouted. _No, not again!_

She turned.

He suddenly heard the sound in his head.

Tick…

Pause.

Tock…

Pause.

Tick…

Pause.

Tock…

The gaps between the strokes grew slowly longer. "_Marcus, now,_" came the voice.

As he saw the debris heading for the bridge, it felt like either time had slowed down or he had gained super-human speed. He didn't know which, and frankly didn't care. The other crew members were being flung from their seats or from where they were stood by the force of the impact. He saw the beams, rafters, and control consoles exploding all around him. As fast as he could, he ran to grab hold of Susan from where she stood, gathered her in his arms and led her to safety, protecting her above all else.

Tick…

Tock…

"_Marcus, hurry."_

He remembered where he'd been to emerge relatively unscathed from the first collision and ran to that same spot. He placed her on the deck and covered her with his body, _to protect her above all else_. She was looking up, surprise still etched on her face from facing the debris coming towards them.

Tick…

Tock

Tick

Tock

The sound of the clock vanished from his head as quickly as it had come. Then everything came crashing down. Alarms were blaring and there was a lot of smoke on the bridge. He looked down. "I love you, Susan." He didn't know if he'd have another chance to tell her and kissed her tenderly as everywhere around them succumbed to destruction. He lost himself in the kiss, finally returning to reality. "Susan?" he shouted over the din, "Susan, can you hear me?" There was no response. _No, not again. Please, Lorien, no. _

It seemed an age, but she blinked her eyes. Her face was a picture. "Marcus, are you comfortable?" she asked sarcastically. "Can I get you anything?"

He could barely hold his emotions. "Oh, thank Valen you're alright," he said, the relief coming through into his voice.

"Why shouldn't I be alright?" She was annoyed, but she felt strangely flattered by his concern and a warm feeling developed for him within her.

Slowly, they both got up. The ship was in tatters, the crew were either dead or seriously injured. They had to move quickly to get to an escape pod and get off before the ship exploded.

"Oh my god," Marcus exclaimed, his face pale, "look, Susan, look at where you were." He shuddered as he remembered seeing her body trapped underneath the fallen debris near the command chair. Now, all that was left was debris from the support structure that was now just one big heap on the deck.

"Marcus, you…" Susan was in awe. "You saved me." She was beginning to think that Marcus was either superman or her guardian angel looking out for her.

"No time for that, Susan," he said, "we've got to get out of here." He grabbed hold of her hand and started off at a quick pace to get to the escape pods. It felt good to have her hand in his but now was not the moment for sentimentality; it was a matter of minutes until the ship tore itself from the inside out and time was of the essence.

They managed to get to the escape pod with relative ease. As they entered, Marcus and Susan strapped themselves in; talking would have taken too much time. He nodded at her as his hand loomed over the 'eject' button. She nodded back at him to press the damn thing and a microsecond later, the pod was jettisoned into space.

It wasn't long after they were launched when the White Star exploded.

*************************************

_That was close_.

Susan was lost in thought. This was a Minbari pod. Marcus was in the pilot's seat and Susan was okay by that; he was a very competent pilot which put her at ease. So it just made sitting there looking out at the sea of stars and thanking whatever god was out there that much easier. Marcus had saved her. How, she didn't know; it seemed to happen so fast, but she was in one piece so she shouldn't grumble. All she could think of, though, was the fact that he'd saved her from certain serious injury. _Marcus, you saved me…_

"It'll be another hour till we can rendezvous with the fleet," he said, turning to her and snapping her out of her thoughts. "Why not get some rest, Susan?" he suggested gently. He had that look in his eyes again; he always seemed to have that look whenever he mentioned her name or talked to her. Previous conversations from the past crept into her mind. _Nu'shan fel'ani In'A lis'e medran_. He had told her that it was just a greeting, but she'd later found out that it translated to: _You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met_. Why the hell did he think so? She was nothing special, just a soldier.

That warm fuzzy feeling began to rise in her again; it reminded her of what it felt like when, free of the sleepers, her mother had touched her mind when she was little. Feeling her mother's love wrapping around her like a blanket and keeping her warm. How she felt with Marcus was similar to her mother's warm love. Yes, she'd had others who she'd been attracted to—Malcolm, and Talia, among others. But this was something else, this was special. It hit her like a bolt out of the blue; the chart, her bacon and eggs for breakfast, her endless supply of coffee (not that awful caff substitute). He loved her, and would do anything for her. He must have been too terrified of her to tell her in person, so it was his actions that spoke instead.

"You'll never know," he'd said to her before the last battle when he thought she was asleep. Oh, but she did. As she opened her mind, she gently touched his and sensed nothing but love for her. She knew then that she was the mystery woman that he had spoken of so fondly on the White Star that time. _Oh boy, I'm in it now,_ she thought as she realised that she loved him as well.

Susan looked at Marcus openly, her face stern but her eyes telling a different story. Marcus noticed this out of the corner of his eye and started to feel a bit nervous—well, not a bit, a lot nervous. _Oh hell, what have I done wrong? _His hands were beginning to sweat. He knew this look, he'd seen it several times before when she'd had a bad day back on the station and there was some poor soul or it ended up being him catching all the flak. He wanted to make a quick getaway, but was strapped into his seat, in an escape pod, and in mid-flight. She undid her harness. _Oh, Valen, help me! I'm a dead man._ "Um, Susan, what are you doing?" he asked, a slight hint of panic in his voice.

No answer. She just looked at him and moved toward him like a cat stalking it prey. He _was_ her prey, oh, yes. She moved his hands away from the control console. He gulped, having no idea of what she was going to do, or if he would live to see tomorrow. "Susan." He tried to keep his voice even, but he was getting very nervous now. His eyes were wide as he saw her face looking at his with the intensity of – well, he didn't know what, he'd never seen this look on her before. His Ranger training quickly left him and his heart was pounding against his chest wall like a loud drum as small beads of sweat were beginning to form on his forehead. _Oh Bugger!_

Susan noticed this and secretly chuckled to herself. She was having quite an effect and she hadn't even started yet.

She straddled his lap, looking deeply into his emerald eyes, and took his hands in hers in a forceful manner. Marcus was having trouble focusing; he felt his groin beginning to ache. _The Ivanova effect;_ her touch was electric, a combination of fear and wonder. She moved in for the kill as she brought her hands back on herself so that Marcus's hands touched her waist. She draped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Gently at first, then when his mouth opened, her tongue took charge, looking for his so they could have their own little sparring match. How long they kissed he had no idea.

She released her grasp on him and his face was an absolute picture. _Oh yes_, she relished his flushed features; it was the first time that Marcus had been left speechless.

He was in the temple of Susan Ivanova. She had him exactly where she wanted him and he was her high priest who would do anything for her. She'd definitely lit a fire within him as his hands pulled her closer to him and he kissed her more fiercely than she'd anticipated, his want rising within him like a tide. After what seemed like an eternity, he released her, only to see that she was now fighting for breath and looking flushed.

"I love you, Susan." There, he'd told her, got it all off his chest. His brother's words echoed in his mind, _Let go of your guilt and live._

She looked at him and smiled, "I love you too, Marcus."

He'd never thought he'd hear those words coming from her lips. He kissed her again; he couldn't talk, he'd always had trouble with words when he was emotional, and this _was_ emotional. He wanted his actions to speak for him when words failed.

The proximity alert went off. They were coming up on the fleet. She ended the kiss and moved back into her own seat.

"Bugger," he sighed. "There's never enough time."

"Don't worry, Marcus, there'll be plenty of time later. If you know what I mean?" She had that look in her eyes that said she wanted more.

"_Susan, Marcus, are you okay?"_

It was Sheridan. Relief swept over their faces to hear his voice. When they'd found out that Sheridan had been captured and that it had been Garibaldi who had betrayed him, Susan had issued orders for Michael to be shot on sight.

"Um, y – yes captain," Marcus said, trying to get some composure and keep his voice even. "Clark's advanced destroyer fleet has been either disabled or destroyed. We nearly didn't make it out, though."

Sheridan let out a long sigh of relief before continuing, _"Is Susan with you?"_

"Right here, captain." She was relieved that he was okay. "Where are you?"

"_I'm on the _Agamemnon_. Marcus, I need you to take command of White Star 33. Lennier is already aboard, I'll send him your co-ordinates so he can pick up guys up en route. Susan—"_

She interrupted him mid—sentence. "John, I'm fine. I'll stay with Marcus if that's alright with you. It sounds to me like you've got everything sorted out at your end."

"_Okay, I'll brief you both on what I need doing next when you're aboard."_ The transmission ended.

"Are you sure you don't want to be on the _Agamemnon, _Susan? That's where all the fun will be, you know."

She smiled. "I know, but I think I'll be having more fun with you."

He gulped.

*************************************************

It wasn't long before they landed in the docking bay of White Star 33. They'd just unclipped their harnesses and powered down the engines and were making their way to the pod's exit when Marcus quickly grabbed Susan and pushed her towards the bulkhead, kissing her fiercely. She returned his kiss with a ferocity of her own as she responded to his advances. Reluctantly, he released her lips gently. "Marcus, we need to get to the bridge," she said, trying desperately to keep in control of herself; she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. And then there was the hurt look on his face when she'd said those words.

"I know," he sighed, "I wanted a moment just for _us_."

Susan knew what he meant. These past couple of years had been so hectic that there had been little or no time for any brief moments with someone special. He took hold of her hand and led her towards the doorway. Despite herself, Susan had other plans as she backed him to the other bulkhead and kissed him passionately. She wanted the same moment before duty summoned them once again.

His hands were beginning to wander. Susan smiled, "Later, Cole, later."

He smiled back, "Come on, let's get to the bridge." He took his hand in hers as they left the pod and they made their way to the bridge leaving the Human and Minbari crew members open-jawed to see him and the Ice Queen Commander holding hands.

The doorway opened to reveal the bridge, where Lennier sat in the centre seat. When he saw that Susan and Marcus had arrived, he stood out of the chair to relinquish the command.

"It's okay, Lennier, stay in command of the bridge. Hail the _Agamemnon_ and tell Sheridan we're aboard. We'll both be in the briefing room and take further instructions there." Susan turned and left the bridge with Marcus in tow.

"Very well, commander." _We'll be in the briefing room_, he thought to himself as he sat back down. Could it be true what the crew had told him? He would be most happy if it was; they deserved each other.

It wasn't long before they got to the briefing room. They had just entered when Lennier's face appeared on the view screen.

_"Commander, Marcus, it's the captain."_

Susan and Marcus made their way to the meeting table and took their seats. "Patch it through, Lennier."

His image winked out to be replaced by Sheridan's.

"_Susan, Marcus.'_"

"Captain, how the hell did you break out of prison?" Susan asked.

"_It was Lyta, Stephen and Michael—"_

"What? He betrayed you and now you're going to trust him again?" Susan stood and was about to launch into a rant before Marcus motioned for her to sit down.

"_It was Bester, Susan. When Michael disappeared earlier this year, he'd been captured and altered by the Psi-Corps to uncover a telepath virus. In order to do that he had to betray his friends and the people he cared about. It wasn't his fault."_

Susan didn't like this news anymore than John did. "Okay, so I'll just kick his ass instead of tossing him out of an airlock."

Marcus gave a little snigger. Susan gave him one of her glares.

"Oh, sorry, dear," he coughed and fidgeted about on his seat.

John had picked up on the word 'dear'. _"Is there something you two need to tell me?"_ His enquiring mind needed to know.

"It can wait, John. So what's the plan?"

"_I need you to hold in hyperspace. Michael is going to be sending you co-ordinates to jump back to normal space. I need you to take out the last remaining Patrol Station. The Mars Resistance will see to the others. It's quite dangerous as you'll only be about fifty feet off the ground..."_

"We're doing an atmospheric jump?" Susan didn't hide the fact that they had just returned from a battle where they were inches from being destroyed. And now they were relying on Garibaldi on getting his co-ordinates right or they'd be White Star splat on the Martian Landscape. She was more than a little nervous.

"_Don't worry, Susan," John tried to reassure her. "It'll be okay_."

"That's easy for you to say," she huffed.

John laughed. _"Just stand by and wait for Michael. I'm sure he won't let you down. Oh, and by the way, his call sign is 'Grumpy' and you're 'Snow White_.'"

"Grumpy," she mumbled to herself, "that's about right for Michael. Okay, John, we'll hang back and wait for Michael's signal."

The transmission ended. Susan and Marcus looked at each other; he stood up out of his chair, went over to Susan and took her hand. "Well, commander, we should really be getting to the bridge. The time for kicking Clark's arse is at hand."

She raised an eyebrow, with a naughty look in her eyes. "Then I'll kick your arse, Cole."

He gave her a look of 'try me' and gently spanked her backside as they left the room.

They entered the bridge. Lennier stood to relinquish the centre chair, Susan sat down in the command chair and Marcus took his place at her side. Lennier went back to the navigation console.

Marcus' console beeped into action. "Susan, transmission coming in… It's from Mr. Garibaldi, and it's audio only."

"Okay, put it through."

"_This is Grumpy to Snow White. I've got the co-ordinates for the wicked queens castle. We are in position; you can break the mirror any time you want. Stand by to receive."_

Marcus turned to her, "We've got the co-ordinates."

"Okay, everyone, stay sharp. This is it." She turned to face the young Minbari. "Lennier, activate jump engines. Take us in." She then turned again to face the forward viewer.

The young Minbari nodded his compliance as the jump point to normal space formed. They could see a staging point for shuttles to take off and land with patrol towers scattered around the area. The White Star entered the jump point and began to open fire at the enemy targets. The ground was coming up on them awfully fast.

Susan saw this. "Quick, bank! Lennier, get some altitude and continuing firing at the grounded shuttles and the control towers."

Lennier did as was ordered. Susan and Marcus looked at each other; their expressions told each other that that had been too close for comfort.

She looked at Lennier. "How many to go?"

"Three more. Wait, one of them is targeting us…"

"Evasive."

They could see out of the viewer that one of the towers was powering up to shoot at them when suddenly there was a blinding flash and it had been taken out.

"…There's one more; we're coming up on it."

"Fire."

Lennier opened fire and the last patrol tower was destroyed.

Sheridan's voice came over on the comms, _"Susan, Marcus, we're jumping, get up here."_

Marcus was looking at his scanning instruments. "That's the last of them, Susan."

She nodded in agreement, "Lennier, get us the hell out of here." She let out a sigh of relief that this part of the mission had been successful.

They were headed into space when she saw all around them Earth Alliance Destroyers, either listing or disabled. Whatever Sheridan had done, it had certainly worked. His face came up on the viewer.

"_Okay everyone, jump into hyperspace and lock onto Earth Beacon 11629. Delenn, I want you and the other League ships to hold back in hyperspace in case we need you. Earth Destroyer groups and White Star ships, follow us in. It's time to take back our home."_

"Earth." Susan smiled; she had forgotten how long it was since she'd last been on Earth. She was looking forward to walking on a sandy beach and looking up at the sky. It had been too long.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Susan sighed, "I'm just thinking of what I'll do when we get back to Earth. As I said before, I want to visit my father's grave, and I'm looking forward to taking a long walk along a beach and sleeping in a nice four poster bed. I've got some leave coming up and I'm going to take it when all this has finished."

Marcus raised his eyebrows and leaned in further. "Four poster beds are nice, more private and infinitely more comfortable."

She leaned over towards him and whispered teasingly, "Especially when you've got someone special to share it with." She was drowning in his eyes. "And you?"

"I'd like to visit London. Although my family are descended from the Angel Isle, I've never actually been there. Funny, that."

"Well then, we'll have to make some plans, won't we?"

Lennier broke them from their conversation, "Commander, we're coming up on Earth."

"Okay, Lennier, jump to normal space."

The beautiful blue-green planet was growing larger in their view screen. Small satellites encircled the planet.

"Incoming missiles," Marcus stated. "The planetary defence grid had been activated."

"Okay, stay sharp, everyone." Susan looked at the crew who immediately understood.

"Well that's obvious, Susan," Marcus quipped.

She gave him one of her glares, but he was no longer afraid. He just stared back at her.

Was he undermining her? "Oh, Cole, you _are_ _so_ dead."

He grinned, before his console beeped again. "Transmission coming in from the _Agamemnon."_

"_Everyone, target the defence platforms, we've got to take them out."_ There was urgency in Sheridans voice.

"Lennier, patch me through." Susan had to know what was wrong. "John—"

"_Susan, Clark's dead. He's turned the defence platforms towards Earth. Senator Crosby can't override the controls from Earth. We need you and the rest of the White Stars to target and destroy those platforms."_

"Got it, John. Lennier, lets start playing dodge."

Another channel was opened so this time all the fleet could hear.

"_Delenn, we need you," _he said witha hint of desperation in his voice.

"_We are here."_

"Okay everyone, you heard the man, if you see a missile, shoot it. And carry on to those defence platforms."

Jump points opened as an endless amount of ships flew through targeting the defence platforms. Minbari, Brakiri, Centauri, and Narn among them, even though fierce enemies in the past, all came to Sheridan's aid when he needed them. It was a tough battle, and there were losses. There was one last platform remaining that was powering up to fire toward the Eastern Seaboard of the United States.

Susan saw the _Agamemnon_ heading towards the platform, it looked beaten up pretty badly. A jump point formed suddenly near the platform; it was another Earth Destroyer, the _Apollo_. It opened fire on the platform and it exploded just as the_ Agamemnon_ impacted. Everyone held their breath, hoping and praying. Then the _Agamemnon_ appeared through the flames and debris.

"John, are you okay?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

"_Yeah, we're all fine here, Susan_."

She looked at Marcus, a wave of relief flowing through both of them. It was finally over. Now, they could all make a fresh start.

TBC


	3. New Beginnings

**New Beginnings**

After the battle was over, Sheridan surrendered himself to the Earth authorities. Susan and Marcus were still aboard the White Star. They were in the briefing room, and wanting a bit of the privacy they so badly needed. They sat at the table in silence, holding hands and watching the ISN broadcast of the recent events.

"Monitor off," Susan said; she was tired and wanted to just be with Marcus. She really liked his company; it was a new realization and a little startling. She looked at him and saw he was dozing.

"Marcus," she called tenderly.

"Hmm."

"You awake?"

"No."

He was impossible. She reached over and kissed him tenderly. His eyes widened and lit up with the sensations flying through his body.

"Oh, good," she grinned wickedly, "you are now."

Lennier's image blinked onto the view screen. "_Sorry to bother you, commander. It's the captain."_

"Put him through."

"_Hello, Susan."_ She began to stand. "_No, don't get up. Well, it's been quite a journey, for all of us."_

"It sure has."

"'_This will be my final act as an EarthForce officer. I'm promoting you to the rank of full captain and giving you command of Babylon 5 if you want it."_

She genuinely hadn't expected this. "Wow, John, I don't know what to say."

"_I'd like you to say yes, Susan."_

"Can I think about it, John? Now that the war is over, I've got some leave coming up and I need to think about things. I'm sure Corwin can handle C & C while I'm gone."

What she said surprised the captain—well, now ex-captain—but he understood. He needed to evaluate his position as well. He'd just never imagined that she'd be like this, but from the sounds of it, she was deciding her future as well.

"_That's okay. I'd like you and Marcus to come to Earth Dome.''_

Susan looked towards the Ranger before agreeing. "Okay, John. We'll be there ASAP." The transmission ended, she stood up, and took Marcus' hand, "Come on Ranger boy," and pulled him to his feet.

It didn't take them long to get to Earth Dome. It was a beautiful sunny winter's day. The temperature wasn't cold, but just cold enough to wake you up if you were still sleepy. Which was their case, both dog tired and desperately in need of some rest. As they got to a doorway, an officer waited for them.

"Commander, sir," he nodded to them and stood to attention before continuing. "Please, follow me." He turned on his heel and Susan and Marcus followed without breaking their stride.

The corridor was long and finally they found themselves in the main room. They saw Sheridan, Delenn, G'Kar, and Londo all talking with various EarthGov officials and high ranking EarthForce officers. As they followed, they made their way towards Sheridan who was talking with Delenn, President Luchenko, and some generals.

John turned to see Susan stop, standing to attention and saluting him as well as her superior officers.

"Ah, good," he smiled. "Glad you two could make it."

Marcus bowed towards Delenn, "Greetings, Entil'zha."

Delenn bowed back, "Hello, Marcus. I am glad you are well."

One of the generals turned; he recognised the voice and saw his face. He was different now; his hair was longer and he had a beard. "My god, Marcus, is that you?" It was General Leftcourt who spoke. He looked at the Ranger as Susan and Sheridan looked at the both of them with surprise.

"Hello, general. It's been a long time." He offered his hand. The general came and took it eagerly. "I can't believe it's you. Wh—what have you… where have you been?"

"Can someone please explain?" Sheridan asked. He was more than just a little curious.

"Well, this man saved my ass quite a few times, and is the finest intelligence gatherer I know." He wrapped an arm around Marcus' shoulder. Marcus didn't like all this attention.

"You noticed that, huh?" Sheridan grinned. "But how do you two know each other?"

The general turned back to face him. "Marcus was mainly in EarthForce Special Intelligence, towards the end of the Minbari war. He was at the Battle of the Line..."

Sheridan's and Ivanova's jaws dropped. Even Delenn looked surprised.

"…He was a lieutenant on one of the last cruisers to defend Earth..."

Marcus just wanted the floor to swallow him whole. He'd hated his time in EarthForce,

Susan felt giddy, she would never have guessed that Marcus was in EarthForce and an officer to boot. She saluted him winking.

"Please," he began to hold his hands out in front of him. "I'm just Marcus. Those days are long behind me."

"Madam President," Delenn said. "May I present one of my best Rangers and my most valued friend, Marcus Cole."

"Mr. Cole," Luchenko smiled at him.

He smiled back; he really hated all this attention. Susan asked to be excused and took Marcus into an empty corner. She was amazed that he'd kept something like this from her and her friends.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"Can we do this later, Susan?" he asked, holding her hands, his voice almost breaking. "In private?"

"Okay," she nodded. "Later."

"Could you ask Delenn to come over, please?" His eyes were so beautiful. She had to fight the urge to kiss him; she didn't like to see him like this and nodded, walking to where Sheridan and the others stood. He could see her whispering to the Minbari ambassador, who then turned to John and the others and asked to be excused, then made her way over to him.

"Hello, Marcus," the ambassador smiled. "Life is full of surprises, is it not?" She was hinting at the fact that she hadn't known he'd been at the Battle of the Line. She reached out to him and took his hands. "You look troubled," she said tenderly.

Now that she was here, his mind was a whirl of emotion. He knew what he had to do, he just had trouble getting the words out. "I – I need your help, Delenn," he said, looking at the floor. _Oh god,_ he was faltering. This was so damn difficult. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing mind with a mantra he had been taught by Sech Turvall.

"You know I will always help you, Marcus," she said tenderly, concerned for her friend. "Please, tell me." Delenn gave him a few moments to compose himself, watching him silently mouthing the words of a calming mantra. She remembered that she'd used the same one from time to time when things got on top of her.

He opened his eyes, looking toward Susan. He could see her standing rigid, ignoring the others and looking directly at him with concern written all over her face. "Nafak'cha. I need you to perform the Nafak'cha."

Delenn smiled at him warmly as she gently stroked the back of his trembling hands. "It would be an honour to do this for you, Marcus." Her tone of voice gave him reassurance that he was doing the right thing, and she had never been more proud of him than at this moment. He was ready to put his past behind him and step out into the light of a new day, with Susan at his side.

******************************************

Earth had accepted to become a member of the new Interstellar Alliance, while the White Stars flew overhead. Later that day, Delenn had presented the Rangers to the Earth Alliance president. After the ceremony, Delenn had summoned Marcus to a nearby room; they both entered and he closed the door.

The Minbari ambassador could see the relief on the Rangers face. It was as if a huge weight he had been carrying had been lifted from him just by saying he wanted to perform the Nafak'cha. She could hardly wait to see what he'd be like once he'd carried it out.

"Marcus, you are my most valued friend," she began. "You have come so far – I am so proud of you."

"I…I have just done what was right, Delenn, that's all." He was humble before her; feeling like he didn't deserve her praise.

"After the ceremony, I am granting you an extended leave, Marcus. You, out of all of us, need to heal. Do you understand?"

He nodded his head; he was weary. Now that the darkness of the Shadows outside and inside the Earth Alliance had been defeated, he wanted to evaluate his life and his life with Susan.

"I am giving you 6 weeks' leave, after that you are to report to me on Babylon 5."

His face was shocked. "6 weeks…" he began to argue. "Delenn, I can't, not that much time…"

She dismissed it. "6 weeks, Marcus. _That_ is an order."

He knew better than to argue with her. Resigned to the fact, he sighed. "Thank you, Entil'zha." He bowed low. He knew that he'd overstepped to mark by questioning her.

"It's Delenn, Marcus," she smiled. "You are my friend and you deserve this time away. Take it, and cherish it."

He nodded his head and agreed. _6 bloody weeks. What the hell am I going to do with 6 weeks leave?_

************************************************

Elsewhere, in another office within Earth Dome, Sheridan and Ivanova were in a rather heated discussion.

"John, I don't need 6 weeks leave," she protested. "You've resigned from EarthForce; I can't go off taking leave when you say so."

"Have you decided to rejoin EarthForce, Susan?" he asked.

"No," she began, "I need to think about things and where to go from here."

"Babylon 5 is still an independent state, under ISA jurisdiction. I'm the head of the ISA, and if I want you to take 6 weeks leave…" He could still pull rank, even with her. "Susan, we've all had a pretty tough time of it, you most of all. You need this time away. See the sights, travel, do whatever the hell you like, but just take this time off. Then, when you're done, come back to Babylon 5. The station will still be there, you know," he grinned.

"I don't think I'm going to win this argument, am I?" she asked.

"Nope."

"Okay, 6 weeks it is." She sighed, slapping her hands on her sides. Secretly, she was glad she had this extended leave. But she liked her verbal sparring matches with Sheridan, and besides, she was looking forward to spending this time with Marcus and getting to know him better. When she thought his name, that fuzzy warm feeling erupted within her. She wanted him and bad.

************************************************

After her meeting with Sheridan, Susan went to look for Marcus. _6 weeks, damn!_ She realised that with this length of time, she could actually take the time to appreciate where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do. As she walked down the long hallway, coming to the now-empty main room, she saw Marcus sitting cross-legged on his cloak with his pike at his side. He was meditating, but his face looked troubled. She wondered what for.

"Hello, Susan," he said, his eyes still closed. He smiled.

"How did you know it was me?" she asked, stunned.

He opened his eyes and looked down at his pike, took it, and placed it in the pouch attached to his belt. Standing up off his cloak, put it on and walked towards her. "I knew your footsteps." He smiled as he gently kissed her forehead and wrapped an arm around her waist. "Good meeting with President Sheridan?" he asked.

"Um, yeah, you could say that."

Marcus could sense her confusion. "Susan, what's the matter?" he asked, his voice concerned.

"Well, I'm not sure how to put this…" she began. "You know how I said that I've got some leave coming up…"

He nodded.

"Well, it's 6 weeks."

"You were worried about 6 weeks leave?" he said happily, trying hard not to break into a smile, but couldn't help himself. This was so obvious he should have seen it coming a mile away.

"What's so damn funny?" Susan asked, getting agitated and wondering if he would let her in on the joke, if there ever was one.

He beamed. "Oh, it's just that I've got 6 weeks leave as well."

Sheridan and Delenn had arranged their leaves. "You know," she began, "when I get back to Babylon 5, I swear, _he is_ going to find his shower requirements set to ice cold!"

He smiled at Susan as he wrapped his arms around her. He couldn't believe this was happening, but he'd made William a promise. He was going to live, and live he would.

TBC


	4. Rebirth

**Rebirth**

Susan and Marcus had been assigned separate temporary quarters within the EarthDome facility. With all the hullabaloo of recent events, Susan needed the rest, and in the past few days she'd probably only had about five hours' sleep. The fatigue was beginning to show; she'd just finished writing up some papers and, deciding to have a nice, long lounge on the sofa, was just beginning to doze off, when an incoming message beeped on the comm unit. _Can't I have an hours' rest, for crying out loud?_ she complained to herself. She wearily stood up from the sofa and made her way to the unit.

"Receive," she sighed.

The unit bleeped to life and she smiled when she saw who it was making the call.

"_Hello, Susan."_ It was Delenn.

"Ambassador. Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked.

"_Firstly, you can call me Delenn,"_ she smiled. Susan knew that if things were on a first name basis, it was unofficial and she could relax.

"Okay, Delenn, what can I do for you?"

"_It's not for me, Susan, but for Marcus."_

A look of concern came onto her face. "What's the matter, is he - is everything alright?"

"_He needs your help."_

"He's got it, but why hasn't he come to me personally?"

"_It would probably have been very difficult for him to ask someone who does not understand the meaning,"_ she began. _"Earlier today, when he asked you to send me over, did you notice the look on his face?"_

She nodded her head; it was something that she would never forget, a mixture of emotions of concern, anguish, relief, and fear all fighting for dominance. She had struggled to resist the urge to go over and comfort him right then and there, but it hadn't been the time or the place.

"_He has asked me to perform an important ritual for him, and he needs this, Susan. He needs this a great deal and he needs you to be there."_

"What time and where, Delenn? That's all you have to tell me." She was going to be there for him come hell or high water. "Besides, what's the name of this ritual?"

"_Nafak'cha."_

"Which means?"

"_Rebirth Ceremony."_

"Didn't we do something like that a few years back and last year after we broke away?" Susan asked, confused as to why she had to partake in the ritual again.

"_Yes, we did,"_ she smiled. _"Well, at least you, John, Stephen, and Michael did when I was injured, but Marcus didn't. He was afraid to let go."_

"Let go of what, Delenn?"

"_When you first met Marcus, he told you how he came to join the Rangers."_

"Yes."

"_He blamed himself for surviving the destruction of his home; he hadn't forgiven himself for 'being alive,' when those who he loved and cared for had died. Now he wants to let go of his guilt and live. He needs the ceremony to help him move on."_

"What do I need to do?" she asked, her voice full of determination. She wasn't going to flunk out on him this time.

"_You need to reveal a secret you have never told anyone before, and you need to give up something that is of great value to you."_

"What time do you need me there?"

"_2030 hours at the Santiago Suite."_

Susan looked at the clock hanging on a nearby wall. It was 1930 already, "I'll be there, Delenn."

The Minbari nodded and smiled, before ending the transmission.

_Oh hell_, she thought. It was Susan's turn to be nervous now. She'd never told anyone anything about what had slowly happened to her in recent months. She quickly undressed and got into the shower unit; she needed a clear head for tonight.

********************************************

He was tired; the Santiago Suite rooms he had been assigned to were, to anybody else's point of view, standard size, but to him, they were enormous. He wandered through his temporary quarters to find a queen size bed with en-suite shower facility. _Oh, a shower, now that, I need._ He quickly stripped off, not caring that the bedroom curtains were open. He started the shower running; as the steam quickly filled up the room, he inhaled the vapours from the hot water.

He'd forgotten what a real honest-to-god shower felt like. He'd been so used to the vibe showers; those bloody things, in his opinion, never really removed the dirt and sweat that you acquired over time. He just stood there in the cubicle and just enjoyed the sensation of the water running over his body cleansing him. It felt so good. _It would be better if I could share it with Susan._

Oh, the thoughts swirling around his mind were making him very, very aroused. _Oh, god, I can't, not now! _A new image crept into his head._ Londo kissing a Pak'ma'ra._ He imagined that he was the Pak'ma'ra slowly running away from the enamoured Centauri. That thought quickly killed his passion.

He slapped himself in the face to gain some sort of composure before turning off the shower, stepping out, and wrapping a nearby towel around his waist. As he walked out of the steamy room, he could see the time of the clock. _19:45. It begins soon, _he thought to himself as he walked towards the huge full-length window overlooking a lake surrounded by mountains and forests. The beautiful scenery held him in awe. He stood there for a few minutes, taking in the natural beauty of the area. He felt so tired, though the shower had helped revive some life in his aching body. As his mind raced ahead to the upcoming ceremony, he hated it, but he knew that he _had_ to do this, for his future and hopefully hers as well. He went over toward the bed and pulled out a spare Ranger uniform from the duffel bag he'd brought with him. Delenn would be here soon.

It wasn't long after he'd dressed that his Entil'zha announced that she was here and he quickly opened the door to let her in. She was in his quarters for thirty minutes, having him rearrange the furniture to make enough floor space for the ritual to take place, before finally lighting some candles. He looked up at the clock and was amazed at how the time had flown;_ it would begin soon._ He kept the curtains open, as it was now dark outside and the flickering candlelight gave an amazing ambience to the room. _Yes, this will do nicely_, he thought.

********************************************

Susan arrived at the Santiago Suite bang on time. She wore her Army of Light uniform and her hair was loose and flowing freely; she hadn't really had much time to dry it, but the shower had been glorious and just what she needed to give a little bit of life back to her tired body. She took a couple of deep breaths just to compose herself and pressed the door chime to announce her presence.

When the door slid open, the room was in darkness with the exception of candles lit in various places around the room. Only Delenn and Marcus were present.

Delenn was happy to see her, but Marcus looked as nervous as hell. It was then that she realised the importance of this ritual for him.

"Please, come in," Delenn said as she guided Susan to where she would like her to sit. "Marcus, if you could sit here," she guided him to a place a couple of feet opposite Susan, he just nodded his head and didn't say anything.

Delenn took her place a couple of feet away from them both so that a triangle was formed from the three beings taking part in the ritual. She bowed her head and said a silent prayer to indicate that the ritual had begun. She had decided she was going to perform a humanised version of the ceremony with a little hint of Minbari; she thought it appropriate, since although she was born of that world, she was now half-Minbari and half-human, it occurred to her that instead of having all the pomp of drums and harps, she would perform it just for them. As she looked at her friends, a curious thought entered her head. _Three is sacred; it is still a Minbari ceremony regardless of what anyone says. We have one from each caste, I from the Religious Caste, Susan of the Warrior Caste, and Marcus, originally from the Worker Caste_.

_Perfect symmetry._

"Marcus," Delenn began, "why do you come here?"

"I come for Nafak'cha," he replied. "I come to be reborn."

Delenn turned to Susan and asked the same question. "Why do you come here, Susan?"

Susan wasn't sure on how to answer, so she figured that she'd give the same reply as Marcus.

"I come for Nafak'cha, I come to be reborn."

Delenn nodded her head in acknowledgement. "As part of the Nafak'cha, you must give something away that is of great value to you and you must tell someone something you have never told before." She turned to Susan, "What do you give, Susan?"

She went into her pocket and brought out some papers and placed them on the floor in between them both. She'd thought that this action would make her cry, but she felt nothing. She didn't feel like she was throwing away fourteen years of her life, instead she had decided to close this chapter and open a new one in the book of Susan Ivanova. She was as calm as could be. "I drew them up today and am going to hand them in after my leave has finished. They're my resignation papers," she said, "I don't like what EarthForce has become. When we faced those advanced destroyers, I was horrified to see Shadow tech engineered into our ships. I knew then that there were some elements within EarthForce that would sell their souls to the devil… Also, I made my own decision to stand with John when we broke away from Earth. I believe that there will still be some people who will view me as a traitor regardless of what our leaders will say." She looked at them both before continuing, "And I don't want to be viewed like an old war horse trotted out on parade, so people can point at me and go 'oh, look.' I don't want to be the Ice Queen Commander—or Captain, for that matter—anymore. I want to learn how to live and love again and not grow old full of regret and loss."

Finished, Susan bowed.

Delenn smiled. "What secret do you wish to share?"

Now there was the crunch. This would be more difficult for her. "My mother was a telepath, who, when Psi-Corp found out, was either made to join them, go to the re-educational facilities, or take the sleeper drugs."

They both nodded Marcus guessed and Delenn knew from the titbits of information John had given her, "This _is_ really difficult for me. I was a latent telepath, but my psi ability has grown. I'm now a full-blown telepath."

Delenn and Marcus were quite surprised by this, but were confused after she said that one minute she was a latent, and the next minute her psi ability had flowered into full telepathy. Marcus just sat there drowning in her eyes, she looked back at him and she knew that he would be her sturdy rock whenever anything became too much.

"It all began after my visit to Epsilon 3, where I temporarily joined with the Great Machine. Originally it was going to be the captain, but he got lumbered with a Night Watch official, so he sent me instead. When we had got the necessary information to prove that the then-Vice-President Clark was behind the assassination of President Santiago, I began sensing that something had been 'unlocked' within my mind. At first, I thought that I was just overreacting. But little by little over the passing months, my psi ability was gradually getting stronger and stronger and I was now beginning to pick up on the thoughts of others. I remembered the things that my mother had taught me, but when I was alone, I dropped the walls and the thoughts of others within the vicinity of my quarters came flooding into my head.

"That's why I became more and more cranky. I was trying to keep other people's thoughts out and my thoughts in so Psi-Corps wouldn't come for me. I – I wanted to say something earlier, but I just didn't know who I could or couldn't trust with this. I tell you this now as my part of the ritual."

Delenn and Marcus bowed to their friend. She bowed back.

Delenn turned to Marcus, "What do you give, Marcus?"

"All I can give is what I am. I give my heart, my body, my soul, to 'the one.'" He looked squarely at Susan.

Delenn smiled. "What secret do you wish to share?"

He pulled papers out of one of the pockets in his cloak and placed them in front of him.

He could see their curiosity. "These are my EarthForce papers, I long ago resigned my commission in EarthForce—it's a time I don't like to think about, Susan." He sighed, "To be honest with you both, I hated my service. Hell, I didn't even want to enlist in the first place, but it was my parents who insisted." He continued, "I saw things I'm not proud of, and was given orders that made me disgusted to be human. I remember one particular time, during the war; I was second in command of a Special Intelligence team who was out on a recon mission, when we saw a Minbari transport on our scanners. We'd managed to shoot it down and it crash-landed on a planet that was in the middle of nowhere. When we got to the planet to pick them up, we arrived at the Minbari transport and found five Minbari, two Warrior Caste and three Religious Caste. One of the Warriors was dying and the other was wounded, and the Religious were tending to them. We had surrounded them and my commanding officer, in my view, had gone quite mad, swearing and waving his PPG all over the place, trying to intimidate them. The Minbari just stood there and glared, intimidating _him_. When he realised, he gave me the order to kill them."

Delenn looked at him intently.

"Did you?" Susan asked.

"No. In the end, I let them go, but I had to incapacitate my superior officer first. It cost me a court marshal afterwards. But I didn't mind that. I didn't want to be part of his 'team' anyway. It turns out that a couple of years ago he went on a scalping mission for our friend Mr. Bester, but Commander Sinclair turned the tables and he ended up losing it again. Anyway, I'm deviating from what I have to say. It later turned out that the wounded Minbari Warrior was none other than Master Durhann." Delenn smiled when he said Durhann's name, which was almost as, if not more, highly revered as Dukhat within Minbari society and especially within the Warrior Caste. If Durhann had been murdered… she shuddered to think of the consequences. "That's why he took a liking to me, and pushed me even harder with Denn'Bok training." He grinned, and then his face turned dark, "But I also didn't want to think of what would have happened to them in prison, let's just say it wouldn't have been nice. I've heard about methods of torture so sickening, it gave me nightmares just thinking about it." He shuddered before continuing, "Susan, Delenn, you have to understand that at that time, I was Special Intelligence and that sometimes meant being 'black ops'. So you see, I also had to choose between what I knew morally was the right thing to do or to follow orders that violated my conscience. It was after that episode I transferred to normal military service and got a commission on the _Perseus_. Thanks to General Leftcourt."

He saw that Susan and Delenn were intrigued.

"Yes, I rose through the ranks quickly, possibly due to the fact that the Minbari—no offence, Delenn—were wiping out our captains and other high ranking officers left, right, and centre, with each passing battle. Yes, I was at the Battle of the Line, and I knew then through my contacts what the Psi-Corp was becoming. I saw them turning into the monster that we know them to be now. After the war, I resigned my commission and went back to work with my parents. I thought that mining and running the business would be easier."

"And was it?"

"At first, yes, but when my parents passed on, the business fell totally onto me. William was away seeing the universe; since I'd had my time away, it was his turn." His eyes were welling up. "There were times when I wanted to give up completely and just get away for a bit of peace and quiet; I coudn't even remember the last holiday away I'd had." Frustration began rising up within him as he spoke, "But every time I wanted to sell the business, I heard my parents telling me in my mind to persevere. So eventually, in the end, I just stayed there and became more and more isolated."

Susan took hold of his hand, realising how incredibly hard it was for him to release his emotions.

"When William returned and warned me about the coming Shadow attack, I'd had a particular rough month. The business wasn't doing so well, and he kept on and on at me to evacuate. I didn't listen. We ended up fighting and twenty-four hours later, William was dead, Hasina was dead, and Arisia was destroyed." His voice was quiet as tears flowed down his face. "All because I was so stubborn and didn't listen to what he said. It's very hard not to feel guilty when you're the only survivor of the destruction of your home, and everyone else is dead…" _Carrying this guilt made me do something so incredibly stupid to boot._ "…I don't want this guilt anymore." Marcus bowed, he'd said all he could. The rest of this tale was for Susan and for her alone.

Susan had picked up on his thoughts without intending to, but the emotion behind the thoughts was so powerful she couldn't help it.

Delenn looked at Susan and began, "I now tell you my part of the ritual, Susan. You are my most dear friend, I would be honoured for you to stand by my side as, what is it you say, 'Matron of Honour?' at my wedding."

Susan was really surprised that Delenn thought that highly of her. "I'd be honoured."

The Minbari reached for a small pouch at her side, and gave it to Susan. "Here," Susan took the pouch and opened it to reveal a collapsed Denn'Bok before continuing. "It belonged to my grandmother. I would be honoured for you to accept it."

"Thank you, Delenn," Susan said as she put it back into the pouch and placed it at her own side.

Delenn bowed towards Susan, and Susan returned the bow.

"Marcus, you have come so far. I am so proud of you." Delenn got up from where she sat and went over to the doorway, where she was given a large box by a Ranger who had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. She brought it back with her and placed it in front of Marcus.

"Both are in there, Marcus."

He looked confused but opened the box, finding within it a brand new uniform. Instead of the black-and-browns he was used to, though, this was all black. He'd seen people all dressed in black before, but couldn't believe his eyes. "Delenn, what – what is this?"

"I had this made for you before we left Babylon 5. After your leave, Marcus, I want you to return to Minbar and become a Sech at the training facility in Tuzanor. I want you to teach the Denn'Bok along with Sech Durhann. But I also want you there for another reason. I want you to be my second in command."

For the second time in as many days, Marcus was dumbfounded. This was an amazing honour that Delenn had placed on him and he didn't feel that he was worthy. _No,_ he chided himself, _change your thinking, Marcus!_ _I _am_ worthy of this honour and I will live up to it_.

"Thank you, Delenn. I… I don't know what to say."

"Just say _yes_, Marcus. You have served too long, risked your life on endless occasions for too long; now you need to teach the trainees what you have learned and lead by example. In this, I believe you will excel."

Delenn had a point. He'd risked his life on more than one occasion on missions so stupidly dangerous that even he'd never known if he'd make it back at all. She was also right that he had to teach the rest of the Anla'shok what he had learned for the common good of all.

"Very well, Delenn," he said proudly. "I accept."

Delenn took a bowl of fruit that was at her side, said a silent prayer, and began. The final part of the ritual was about to begin.

"Will you follow me into fire, into storm, into darkness, into death?

"And the Nine said, Yes.

"Then do this as testimony to _the One_ who will follow, who will bring death couched in the promise of new life, and renewal disguised as defeat."

Delenn gave out the fruit to Susan and Marcus, looking at them both.

"From birth, through death and renewal, we must put aside old things."

Looking at Marcus, "Old fears."

And at Susan. "Old lives."

Looking at them both again, she continued, "This is your death, the death of flesh, the death of pain, the death of yesterday." Delenn raised her fruit to just inches in front of her mouth as Susan and Marcus did the same.

"Taste of it!"

Marcus ate his fruit.

"Taste of it!" Susan ate her fruit.

"Be not afraid, for I am with you, till the end of time." Delenn ate her fruit and smiled at them both. As she bowed and finished with another silent prayer, she murmured, "It is done, Marcus. I will leave you now."

TBC


	5. Renewal

**Renewal**

**Author's Note:** This chapter is Rated 'M' if easily offended, turn back, if not, enjoy.

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After Delenn had left, they sat there in silence, just looking at each other, enjoying each other's presence.

"You okay?" Susan asked, breaking the silence.

"Never better… now." He smiled back at her and took hold of her hand.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked sheepishly. She didn't want to upset him, but she had picked up some of his surface thoughts during the ritual that were really powerful and she knew they were about her.

"It's about the ritual isn't it?"

"Well, yes and no. You know now I'm a telepath. I – I couldn't help it."

He sat next to her now and wrapped his arm around her. "Drop your walls Susan," he said. "If I tell you aloud I'll cry, but I'll show you."

"Marcus, no," she began. "I – I may not be able to control…"

He took hold of her hands and a barrage of very strong emotions and memories crashed through her barriers. It was very disorienting at first and then the images settled down. She saw herself on the White Star in the battle with the Advanced Destroyers and had been severely injured from the collision with debris that saw girders and rafters come crashing down on her body. She saw that Marcus had rescued her and stayed with her the whole time she was in the medical facility on the Minbari cruiser, and how his heart had broken at the news that she was going to die. He had protested about her being transferred back to Babylon 5 and he had ignored orders, followed her back to the station and was now in Medlab. She was hooked up to all sorts of machines that were keeping her alive.

Blinking, Susan looked around and saw Marcus at her side and dressed in his now all black Anla-shok uniform.

_Wha – how can this be?_ she cast.

_Watch, Susan._ he replied.

The other Marcus had the Alien Healing Device, and was attaching the tendrils of the device to himself and to Susan. He switched it on.

_No, Marcus, please tell me you didn't._ She began to cry. She broke contact from his mind and looked at him.

"Yes, I did," he sighed.

Susan slapped him as hard as she could.

"You shouldn't have done it!" she shouted at him as tears fell down her face, angry at him, at his actions.

He took the slap; he deserved it. Then he continued. "After I 'died', Lorien came to me. Susan, he showed me that that one action caused you a lifetime of pain, regret, and loss. He also gave me a second chance to be with you, because we were always meant to be together. Do you remember what happened on the White Star? How quickly I came to you?"

"Yes."

"Lorien told me to move then, somehow. I don't know how…"

Realisation dawned on Susan's face. "So you could move me to a safe place, so I wouldn't be injured during the battle."

"Yes. He showed me that the guilt for what happened back on Arisia, my brother's death, my failing to save another person I cared about, led me to take such drastic action to use the Alien Device to transfer my life energy into you."

"That's why you asked for the Rebirth Ceremony."

"Exactly. Susan, I don't want the guilt of what happened back home to rule my life and my future. I saw what that did to me and to you. I'm ashamed, truly, for what I did."

"You should be ashamed, Marcus," she said angrily. Then her face changed. "But that was in another life," she smiled unsteadily as she reached out to him. She was both horrified and flattered at the thought of what he would do to keep her safe. Yes, he did truly love her. "Please, promise me one thing though."

"For you, anything," he said gently.

"If either one of us is severely injured, that machine will _not_ come into the equation."

"I promise," he smiled.

With that, Susan leaned over and kissed him, tenderly.

He broke the kiss and stood up, took the box and placed it on a nearby table. She looked up at him, drinking in his graceful features. She never thought that she'd love again, but being in the heat of battle and fighting for your life, knowing that you had a special someone who would do anything to see you safe, certainly did change your outlook on life. He walked over to her and offered her his hand, which she accepted gladly, as her limbs had fallen asleep. She took hold of her papers and Denn'Bok before she stood up, groaning as her muscles protested the fact that she now had to move. He took her items from her hand and placed them on the same table where his box was, and guided her towards the window. The scenery was even more beautiful at night as he looked at the mountains and up towards the sea of stars. She wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer to her.

"Ask you a question?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Sure, you can ask me anything," he smiled.

"What are your plans for tonight?"

That surprised him; he didn't know. His body told him what it wanted to do as he stifled a yawn – he was tired. He looked at the clock, it was almost midnight. "Stay with me?" he asked looking at Susan lazily.

"Love to," she replied as she kissed him on his cheek, then she pressed the button on the wall that drew the curtains and moved to blow out the candles. Marcus went over to the bed and saw a lamp on one of the bedside cabinets. He touched it gently as it lit his half of the room. He could see Susan walking over towards the bed like an angel, her face full of love for him.

Susan saw he looked tired, but then so was she. The shower she'd taken earlier had refreshed her body a little bit, but now that effect was wearing thin and the need for real sleep was beginning to take over.

"Computer," he said, taking off his boots and placing them at his side of the bed, "disable communications and door operation till 10:30 tomorrow." As he stifled another yawn, he undid his buckle and took off his brown tunic to his black turtleneck. Then he undid his pants and slid them off. He had his back to Susan.

"You have far too many clothes there, Marcus."

He turned to see that she had already undressed and was in the bed waiting for him to finish. She was looking eagerly at him.

"Sorry, won't be too much longer," he said as he pulled the turtle neck over his head and placed it next to his tunic.

Susan's face lit up; she definitely liked what she saw. His body was muscular, but not ripped, and she noticed several scars along his back and ribs. _Well, his job was a dangerous one,_ she mused.

He climbed into bed and opened his arm so Susan could rest her head on his chest. She snuggled herself up against him, contented. She inhaled his scent and cherished his smell as she exhaled and listened to his breathing.

He was gently stroking her hair; he had dreamed of this moment so many times and now he couldn't believe that she was here and in his arms. _Thank you, Lorien, for giving me this chance._ He thought and hoped the First One would hear him. William's words came to him again: _live and love, Marcus_… A stray tear trickled down his cheek. _Yes, William, I will_.

Susan picked up on his feelings. She really had to stop listening in on his thoughts. "Marcus," she asked, "are you okay?" she looked up and saw the tear, gently she wiped it away.

"Never better. I – I just can't believe that I'm here with you now. Susan, I've dreamed of this so many times, you have no idea." He looked at her, and she saw nothing but love and desire in his eyes. She knew he had little in the way of possessions and had gone for so long without the things that other people took for granted.

She brought her hand up and began placing featherlike touches across his skin. He hissed; the sensations pulsing through his body were like nothing he'd ever experienced before. He liked what she was doing. Gently, she turned her head, and kissed him passionately.

As she kissed him, his hands began to roam their way around her body, one gently stroking the side of her head as he caressed her hair. His other made its way down her back; he could feel that she still wore her bra. He slid his hand down a little bit further and just brushed the top of her panties. _Bugger_, he thought, as he'd reached as far as he could in his current position. _My bloody arm isn't long enough._

She broke the kiss and noted the look of disappointment in his eyes. Oh, how he wanted her! He saw her begin to sink lower and lower down his body, placing sweet, sensual kisses as she went, his muscles shivering with her touch – she was driving him mad with desire. Her head disappeared beneath the covers, still planting soft kisses over his stomach, and she gently scratched her nails along the insides of his legs, purposely missing her intended target; _he's going to suffer some more_. He hissed through his clenched teeth and raised himself up against her to try and get some contact with his love.

She undid the strap of her bra and her breasts fell free as she raised herself towards him, seductively waving the discarded piece of clothing at him. She saw his eyes were clouded with desire and could sense his rampant imagination running wild, wondering what she would do to him next. Oh, what _would_ she do to him next? She knew exactly _what,_ and slid back down underneath the covers.

She'd disappeared again and he was having trouble keeping in control of his body. "Oh, Susan," he moaned as he felt her plant soft kisses on him and he cherished the wonderful sensations flying into his brain from her delicate scratches near an already sensitive area.

_Sssshhh, my love,_ she cast_, don't speak, just enjoy._

Waiting for a moment to draw out his suspense, she found her intended target – she had him exactly where she wanted him and she was going to please him. In the past, he'd gone out of his way to make her happy. She owed him. Slicking her hand with her own saliva, she clenched her hand into a fist so her hand was covered. The moaning from Marcus told her that he liked what she was doing. But she wasn't even started yet. With her slicked hand, she took him into her mouth.

She was sucking him in various rhythms, sometimes short and shallow and sometimes long and hard. What was left of his control quickly left him as he slid his hands down beneath the covers, wrapping them in her hair as he began to increase his upward thrusts.

He was tumbling over the edge fast – the pressure of his release was ready and imminent.

"Susan," he cried as he released his seed.

She opened her mind and touched his, and, for the briefest moment, she could feel his orgasm, rocking his body and his soul.

Somewhere within his fogged mind he could tell that she was scanning him. He didn't care. He wanted her to see this as well. All his love and emotion poured out to her, and for that one instant, she saw herself through his eyes and she was beautiful.

He slowly regained some control as his orgasm subsided. Never had he felt like this. Yes, he'd brought himself to climax many times fantasizing about her, but nothing prepared him for this. He knew she was his soul-mate; she was his, now and forever, and not even death could part them.

He kissed her hungrily. She'd given to him freely, now it was his chance to give back to her. He flipped her over onto her back, removed the sheet, and stared at her. She was everything he'd hoped for – _long slender legs attached to a beautiful body, attached to gorgeous breasts, attached to a beautiful face, attach – oh bugger_, he couldn't think straight. This was _his_ Susan, the Susan that no one but him would ever see. She was just – in a single word – beautiful, and even that seemed insignificant to how he truly felt about her.

Jolts of electricity were shattering every nerve ending in her body as he performed his ministrations. She shivered in pleasure. _Oh god, Marcus –_ he was driving her mad. Even Talia hadn't made her feel this good.

"Marcus, please," she begged, her body craving more and more of his attention. God, she'd missed this for so long.

He didn't need to be asked twice, hearing her moans of pleasure. He gently raised her hips and she took hold of his hardened self and placed the tip against her slick opening. As she lowered herself down all the way to his base, he emitted a low, cracked whine.

"Susan."

"Marcus," she sighed. He filled her easily and made her feel more alive than any of her other lovers ever had. She took his hands in hers and held onto him for dear life.

They continued their sensual dance till they could take no more and desire overpowered them completely. Afterwards, sated from their lovemaking, they fell into each other's embrace, allowing themselves the gift of satisfied, exhausted sleep.

*********************************

The next day, he woke from the best night's sleep he'd had in a long time, no longer haunted by nightmares that no one should ever have to experience. His senses woke up a bit more when he felt a slight weight on his chest. Looking down, he could see Susan still fast asleep in his arms. _It hadn't been a dream, it had really happened_. Slowly, he extricated himself from his love, being careful not to wake her up. He stood, turned, and looked at Susan, her face so serene with her lips upturned into the cutest smile he'd ever known. His body began to scream now, it had functions to carry out and although standing there and looking at his love was all very well and good, if he didn't move himself now…

When he finished doing what he needed to do, he quietly dressed in his briefs and began his morning exercises. It had been part of his training on Minbar; he'd been taught that all Rangers needed to prepare themselves for the upcoming day's work, physically, mentally and spiritually, with a series of movements designed to strengthen both the body and the mind, similar to Earth's Tai Chi. With all that had happened recently with the campaign, he had neglected to keep up to date with his morning ritual. He knew that afterwards, his joints and muscles would be stiff and aching, but that would pass.

A short while later, after he had finished his exercises, he looked at himself in a nearby mirror. Covered in a sheen of sweat, his reflection, with the sparkle in his eyes, reminded him for the first time in years that he was alive, truly alive.

He walked back towards the bed, mentally replaying everything from the previous night in his head. From undergoing the Nafak'cha, to making wild, passionate love to Susan, and her doing things to him that he… Standing there with a big Cheshire cat grin on his face, he felt the stirrings of arousal once again…

*********************************

_Why the hell didn't I do this sooner? _was the only thought on Susan's mind when she woke up the next day. All the times she'd slept with others, even Talia… yeah, the sex had been fantastic, but now she knew that she had never _made love_ to another being till last night. For an inexperienced man, he knew just when, where, and how to please her.

_**Pride, you idiot, that's why you never did it sooner. What, you think he had a contagious disease or something? He may babble on and annoy you, but god, he's amazing in bed…**_

_You got that straight… Now I know I'm losing it. I'm having a conversation with myself._

_**No, you're not, but you are talking to something again. **_

_My heart…_

_**Bingo!**_


End file.
